can I trust God with my kids?

I thought I'd start sharing our experiences living in Baltimore city as a family of seven. It has been an adustment and yet God is teaching me something new every day...or letting me revisit lessons I'm too hard-headed to learn first go around.

I know that God has my kids in His hands, they are His. I trust Him to give them food, shelter, health...but, the new ones I'm learning to hand over to Him, are their education, safety and future. Living in the city, we figured I'd homeschool. We'd heard, as many have, that Baltimore city schools are Bad. Poor education, unsafe conditions...When we found out we were expecting baby Corban, we assumed I'd keep homeschooling. Well, this momma had multi tasked to the max. I had nothing left to give and need a year or so of "mental health!"

So we enrolled our four kids into the public Baltimore city school up the street. There is not a day, I haven't leaned on Jesus and handed them over to him. I am aware daily that my kids are lights in dark places. We talk about being missional and living as missionaries wherever we are...easy for the adults to walk out, but not so easy to trust your kids to walk it out. And some would argue it's not their place. Keep your kids safe...move into a safe neighborhood...work hard to give them a private education...protect their eyes their ears from seeing and hearing things that are bad...I desperately want to choose this path, and yet there is a still small voice that says, "The safest place for them is in My Will." "But, God, (i argue) I can't protect them from the violence, the brokeness, the abused." that still small voice again, "I can...and I am planting in them seeds for their future."

This is an exercise I'm finding difficult. When my third grader comes home telling about the kid in his class arrested for stabbing three kids with the back of a pointed comb, or when I get a call from a mom letting me know a 7th grade pedafile has been transferred into the school...I want to run up, withdraw them, bring them home and lock the doors. Wouldn't that be easier?

But, then there are the times my kids come home and tell a different story. Zeb's (3rd) teacher shared with me that the vice principal was in class. She was talking about racial and cultural differences and how we need to embrace all people. Zeb raised his hand and said, "We're all the same. We come from the same place." The VP asked what he meant and he went into share the story of Adam and Eve. His teacher is a Christian and she said, "I knew where he was coming from and was so touched he was sharing his faith." Another time he was telling his class about being in China where he couldn't share his beliefs. The teacher asked if he was scared. He said, "No, I just had faith." Or the time that Nahum (5th) set up a meeting with the principle , on his own, to share his idea of raising money for orphans. He wanted to sell bottles of water to raise money. She asked him what the money would go for, he said, "To buy the orphans blankets and bibles so they can hear the gospel." He was turned down flat...but, who am I to argue with the seeds God is planting? Or the kids they bring home...the little girl and her sister who show up on cold wintery days, wearing shorts and flip flops...they haven't had breakfast and proceed to tell me they aren't allowed to wake up their mom or the other four men that live in the house......one smells of urine...they come and we feed them breakfast and lunch. But, as we buzz through the house laughing and carrying on, their huge eyes taking in our every move, speak of a different kind of hunger. When they leave Nahum says, "See, I told you they have a hard life."

Who am I to argue with what God has for my kids. What He's teaching them? What His plans are for their future? How He will use them to minister love to those who don't know Him? I know every day, I will have to continue to give my kids to Him...some days I choose not too...I choose fear and control, but those days are pointless and painful. I am reminded of Abraham with Issac. The God of the universe, the Father of my kids...He knows what's best for them.

Will this lesson get easier? I'll keep you posted.

Kristin